11 January 2021

Playfulness and Extremism


In my book on cultivating a more playful life (and society), I try to describe the essence of playfulness in such a way that we capture a bigger vision as to its nature and value. Based on my in-depth study of the play-concept for over a decade now, I observe that as our society sinks deeper and deeper into division, much of it is due to our inability to think more playfully and relate to one another in more playful ways.

The late rabbi and psychologist Edwin Friedman describes what I am talking about in his groundbreaking book /Generation to Generation/, which I quote in my own book on play. He contrasts the essence of ‘seriousness’ with the essence of ‘playfulness’ as he writes:

“Seriousness is more than an attitude; it is a total orientation, a way of thinking embedded in constant, chronic anxiety. It is characterized by lack of flexibility in response, a narrow repertoire of approaches, persistent efforts to try harder, an inability to change direction, and a loss of perspective and concentrated focus…The antidote to seriousness is the capacity to be playful, which is not to be equated with making jokes…This notion of playfulness has less to do with ‘one-liners’ than with the concept of flexible distance; it has less to do with good ‘come-backs’ than with the ability to distinguish process from content.”*

I can’t help but feel that radicalization is fed by an ideological form of ‘seriousness’ (as Friedman describes) that is taken to an extreme. What makes extremism so dangerous is its intractability. You can’t reason with an extremist because they are unwilling to change their thinking. They lock out all other alternatives and are willing to die (and kill others and tear down society) to stand up for their beliefs. The language of “revolution” and “civil war” that some are touting right now is so dangerous, precisely for this reason.

My concern is that extremism can be easily embedded in both ends of the political spectrum, left and right. As more and more people gravitate to the extreme edges of their own political philosophy, we become crippled in our ability as a society to address the burning issues of our time in a cooperative fashion. Life becomes a game of winners and losers where everyone is doing their utmost to gain the upper hand for their side of the divide. To disrupt this destructive cycle, we must do all in our power personally to reject extremism in all its forms. In other words, we must be willing to change our mind.

This is the very thing that is so hard for us to do, however. It feels like we are losing face, especially when some of us have invested so much time and energy defending our particular spot on the political spectrum (whether left or right). Changing will feel like losing one’s very identity, one’s own sense of integrity. The paradox is: those who are willing to change are more integrated than those who are not. Though the willingness to change does not always mean it is wise to change, the willingness itself is what makes the convicted person an even stronger person—and, when they do see a need to change, it has the added benefit of helping them improve themselves, as well as the society in which we live.   

Though government can help us resist extremism, it is really a personal matter for each individual and it requires all of us to do what we can to nurture our own mental, emotional, and spiritual health so we do not become locked into these extreme ways of being. What that means is we have to get hold of our anger and learn to direct it in constructive ways. We must do all in our power to avoid being unnecessarily inflammatory.

Political memes often contribute to this kind of inflammatory extremism, by the way. They tend to paint others who are different than we are in a kind of caricature which the lies of extremism feed upon. Ironically, political memes have a guise of playfulness to them, but most of them are embedded in the kind of anti-play spirit that Friedman describes. One author (Jerome Berryman) uses the word “pseudo-play” to describe it. Destructive political memes are doubly ruinous in that they positively energize the extremists on one side of the political divide while also negatively energizing the extremists on the other side. Far from generating understanding, they obscure it.

Friends, in this time of crisis, I vow to do all in my power to resist extremism in my own thinking and life as well as in society-at-large. And I sure would love it if others would join me in this by practicing being more playful in the way we engage others. May grace and peace flourish! Lord, have mercy on us.


Playfulness and Extremism

reflections by Rev. Troy B. Cady


*The quote above is from Edwin Friedman, /Generation to Generation/ (New York: Guilford Press, 1985), 50-51 as quoted in /PlayFull: Play as a Pathway to Personal & Relational Vitality/ by Troy Cady (Chicago: PlayFull, 2019), 7.


02 July 2020

my Breath

This morning
God went for a walk
in the city
in the cool
of the day
and, on the way
to the park’s trail,
she saw evidence
of civilization
but no signs of life.

She breathed
her name,
pairing each syllable
with each inhale
and exhale,
as if to
resuscitate us,
to whisper
us awake,
sharing the rise
and fall
of respiration,
praying for
a resurrection
on her way
to the trail.

So, I wait
for her return,
here in the
rising heat
of the day.
The waiting,
my prayer,
the long wait
of longing,

Come home,
dear Lord,
come home.
I have arisen
from death.
my life,
my Breath.


my Breath
by troy cady

21 June 2020


I live to know the joy
of just walking with you,
my child. To relish
the tall grass and
blooming red flowers,
to keep the peace
of simple love in silence,
to feel the soft breeze
do no violence
to hope, to mark
the beauty of your face,
the grace growing
within and between us—
I bind myself to you
and in this I find liberty.


by troy cady

14 June 2020


let these wrinkles be to me
the signs of a soul growing into
the folds of an aging body
a record of laughter
the story of hope in suffering
long stretches of silence
making peace with shadow
creased joy and tough love
memories of your touch
the gentle caress
of a trembling heart
as if skin could teach me
how to be at home in myself
by making a home in You


by troy cady

12 June 2020

Love Your Enemies

“Love your enemy.” There are hardly three words we could string together that would produce more inner dissonance than these. And, yet: if we cannot learn to love our enemies, we will only continue to reap more hatred, more division, more strife.

The expression “our world is falling apart” conveys only a half-truth. If we are to be completely honest, we need to acknowledge it has been falling apart for a long time now. For as long as we have made enemies of one another…that is how long the world has been falling apart. That is since the very dawn of humanity.

So: who is my enemy and how am I to love them? Everyone has an enemy. They are the people we hate. That is how we know who our enemy is. As someone who claims to follow Jesus, it is both shocking and troubling to me that it is very easy for me to identify my enemies. How quickly their names come to mind! How sad it is that I have risked so little to love them, and how safe I feel preserving their status as “the enemy” in my heart and mind.

How am I to love such a person? How am I to love such a group? How is “my group” to love “their group”? Within the answers to those questions we find the source of a true and lasting hope. This is the difficult work of loving one’s enemies.

At its core, what we are after is an end to Othering the other. At its core, the work of loving one’s enemies involves laying aside the mindset of “us vs. them”, the “home team” against “the visitors.”

How we speak of one another matters. Do my words dignify or only serve to divide? Labeling does not help the situation.

An enemy is still a human. Do my words humanize? In my mind, do I think of my enemy…as human? Is my heart able to see the humanity in my enemy, even the enemy who dehumanizes another? If I answer someone’s dehumanizing words and actions by dehumanizing them in return, what progress have I made? I must come to see that I cannot take a stand for truth by dehumanizing another, since truth is always a humanizing force. The commonality of our very humanity…rests upon truth. Truth dignifies.

These questions make me so uncomfortable. Surely this is the hardest thing to do…to love one’s enemy. And, yet: if we are to know peace within and without, it is the one task that must be done.

To be sure, there is hope. This has been done before. Enemies can become friends.

Surely this moment in history is a moment where we all have plenty of opportunities to practice loving our enemies. We will never perfect the art of it, but let us not give up rehearsing the new rhythms of it. We can take a stand for truth and humanize the Other at the same time. It’s hard, but we can do it.

We must do it. It is the only way out of our divisive enmity. May it be so.


Love Your Enemies
reflections by troy cady

10 June 2020

Fighting for Peace

In a world overcome by violence, peace appears as a disruption that at first feels strange, counter-intuitive, even foolish. This is why true and lasting peace can only come with practice, countless rehearsals of non-violence. Day after day after day, we rehearse this way of deeper courage, longer endurance such that the very sign of today’s protest reflects the vision we have for a better tomorrow.

Fortunately, the sign of the future peace for which we long has already been shown to us by the peaceful One who has gone before and is in our midst even now. Christ, the Prince of Peace, invites us to rehearse the way of non-violence, to wrap ourselves in His very heart—for He Himself is The Way and He Himself is our Peace. In Christ, we see that the open hand (more than the clenched fist) disrupts the cycle of violence. Thus: as we work for peace, we take our place by His side, willing to lay down our life, willing to disrupt the cycle, fighting by refusing to fight on the world’s terms of violence—fighting the fight on heaven’s terms, beating swords into ploughshares.

To win this “fight” God does not raise up an “army,” per se. The people whom God raises up are not armed with the weapons of this world. Indeed, God’s people are empty-handed, open-armed. In this way, God raises up an alternative community which itself is to be a sign and foretaste of the lasting peace that God has in mind.  It is the community of the Beloved.  We enter the fight with open hands, hearts bared, laying it all on the line for the sake of love, even love for our enemy.

If we wish to disrupt the cycle of violence, let us rehearse love for our enemy. To rehearse such a strange love, we will need to wrap our lives in the One who has perfected the art of loving like that. As we do so, we will soon discover that we ourselves are the enemy He has loved. And we are joined by countless others who have been strengthened by the same love, even our own enemies. This is the community of the Beloved. This changes everything.


Fighting for Peace
reflections by troy cady
*Sculpture: “Love” by Alexander Milov; photographed by Andrew Miller.

08 June 2020

crying out. protest.

in the swarming chaos
I cry out for a center
a place of remembrance
a time when all is love
each breath sacred and counted
as if the soul could carry grace
the spirit swollen as pregnancy
and hope late-term breaks forth
breaking the fear
of another miscarriage

I cry out from the center
where the tremors intensify
and in my mind’s eye
I can see the beauty in the pain
the sweat as raindrops
these tears, the water,
this joy-in-sorrow life

I cry out in the center
praying God’s warm breath
would catch my dry throat
even as these open hands enfold
this new life in love,
these tears, the water,
this joy-in-suffering life


crying out. protest.
by troy cady