Professor Conflict

Some years ago, when I was in the midst of starting a new church, I had a conflict to address. To be honest, I had many conflicts to address. Strike that. It actually got to the point where I felt like that’s all I was doing.

Conflict after conflict after conflict. Day after day after day. I’d get one matter resolved and another one would pop up.

I suspect many of you reading this can relate. I suspect many of you can say, “Yes, I’ve had times in my life like that, too.”

As hard as it was to go through that season, I’m glad I did because I learned a lot from it.

Of course, one big thing I learned from it is that conflict is a good teacher. In fact, I think it may be our best teacher. I say that because conflicts present us with opportunities to learn new things about ourselves, others, the world, the nature of relationship and God.

Notice I use the word “opportunities.” Conflict presents us with the option to learn, but conflict itself cannot force us to learn what it wants to teach us. That is up to us.

Think of conflict like a threshold. There is an open door to walk through. We do not know what awaits us on the other side because what we see from our side is something that appears dark to us. The irony is: when we seize the opportunity to take in what conflict can teach us, we discover another place filled with light. In fact, we are able to discern that the place we had once been in now seems to us as the darkness we perceived before crossing the threshold.

The door is open. It is up to us to walk through it.

I discovered this because when I came to the point where I had to deal with my twenty-seventh conflict in as many days I said to myself, “Not again! I am so sick of dealing with conflict. When can I be done with this so I can get on with ministry?”

That’s when the Spirit whispered to my heart: “….so you can ‘get on with ministry’? What do you think you’re here for?”

Please don’t think I’m crazy, but the conversation went something like this.

“What?”

“What do you think you’re here for?”

“Well…ministry.”

“Yes, I know: but what is ‘ministry’?”

I had all the right answers: “Well, you know: teaching, leading, praying with people, mentoring, making disciples, serving.”

I sensed the Spirit say something like: “Huh, interesting. That’s what you think you’re here for.”

I wrestled with what ‘ministry’ meant. In my wrestling, I turned a phrase about ‘ministry’ from the Bible over and over in my head and heart.  (That’s what ministers do, right? Look for answers in the Bible.)

The phrase was this: “the ministry of reconciliation.”

It was the most immediate phrase that came to mind. And it was just what I needed.

I realized that the ministry God had given to me was not just any type of ministry. It was not even “ministry” how I had been defining it. It was “the ministry of reconciliation”.

Put in simpler terms, it was a work of peacemaking.

I was not accustomed to thinking of myself as a peacemaker at this point in my life so when the thought hit me that this was, indeed, the essence of Christian ministry it struck me as a paradigm shift.

“So, what you’re telling me is that my main job is to make peace?”

“Now you’re getting it. Why do you think I’ve given you so many chances to learn this lately?”

“I see.”

“Conflict is not an interruption to ministry. It is ministry.”

At that point I began to view conflict as a means for us to see the miracle of grace, mercy and forgiveness in action. In Christian lingo, conflict and the gospel go hand-in-hand. The good news of the gospel of Jesus is that wrong-doers (like me) can receive forgiveness and grace. Forgiveness sets us free and grace enables us to walk in hope. We do not have to fear being condemned, we are given a second chance. In fact, the grace is limitless so we receive countless chances—even if we don’t realize it.

Dealing with conflict forms the very fabric of any ministry that claims to be good-news, gospel. Without conflict there is no gospel.

So, in PlayFull’s team building and coaching work helping people navigate conflict in a healthy way is core. We believe that it is impossible to truly lead playful lives without conflict. The playful response views conflict as a chance to learn holistically, in mind and heart. And the playful response views conflict as a chance to live out forgiveness. PlayFull believes that the freedom of grace brings joy without equal.

Be blessed,

Troy

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Write Troy to inquire about coaching or team building. Write Doreen if you’re interested in spiritual direction. Like us on Facebook or Follow us on Twitter. Here’s to play!

Healthy Teamwork

Today I am in Houston to help facilitate a team building event with two colleagues of mine. Over the years I’ve had the privilege of coming alongside all kinds of teams for similar events. Every event contains interactive modules that aim to fulfill three purposes: 

1. Articulate a unified vision.

2. Develop understanding of one another.

3. Establish habits and protocols that encourage healthy “as-you-go” teamwork.

It has been my experience that, if any one of these arenas suffers, the whole team suffers—and ultimately the project itself could fold.

Team members that do not have a clear, common vision move in all different directions.  If the vision is murky or unshared, the team will disperse and you will be left with neither teamwork nor accomplishment. Sports teams can attest to the unifying power of a shared goal.

But common vision is not enough. Team members must also develop an awareness and understanding of one another. Let’s say I’m an extrovert and I happen to serve on a team with an introvert. As an extrovert, I think “on the fly” and “out loud”. This means I thrive most when I can meet with others and have time and space to interact, ask questions, and verbally summarize ideas.

But the introvert is different. They work best when they have time and space to think quietly. They may need more time to process something before they feel prepared to give a thoughtful response. In fact, I’ve seen that when introverts are given this time and space they are able to articulate an idea more deeply and cohesively than I could with my on-the-fly approach.

To foster healthy teamwork leaders need to provide space for both types of people to contribute in ways that maximize their strengths. To do that, however, we must know one another’s strengths.

You can imagine the many factors that need to be taken into account with this. Teams are made up of a diverse array of individuals. For example, there are...

...thinkers and feelers

...those who are intuitive and those who are more concrete

...those who thrive in the midst of routine and those who need lots of variety

...those who “work smarter” and those who “work harder”

...those who influence people to change direction and those who are good at just being “with” people right where they are.

With such complexity, the work of “knowing” one another is never finished.

So…healthy teams need a unified vision and healthy teams know one another’s strengths well. But a third ingredient is still needed. A commitment to some “high ground” practices that govern the way team members relate to each other week-in, week-out.

This third arena of healthy teaming concerns questions such as:

How will we handle interpersonal conflict when it arises?

What interpersonal communication skills should we practice to prevent needless conflict?

What structures will be in place to provide safe space for ideological conflict?

What role will everyone on the team play?

What values will govern the way we relate to each other day-in, day-out?

What habits will we encourage to nurture health in team meetings?

Of course, there are many more questions to consider than these but this gives you an idea of the large scope of issues concerned.

In my experience, many conflicts arise as a result of “small things”. For example, something is said that rubs someone the wrong way, yet the person offended feels that the something is “not that big of a deal” (and they don’t want to risk seeming petty) so they just “let it go” and don’t address the offense. Over time, lots of these little “somethings” begin to pile up, and they form One Big Something. The offended party begins to make connections and they begin to see a “pattern”. Before you know it, they assign passive-aggressive intentions where none may exist and they begin to demonize the other.

Conflicts are further exacerbated by the fact that the team has established no rhythm in which time for collaborative innovation is regularly juxtaposed by periods of implementation. Teams tend to get stuck in one side of the pair. On the one hand, some teams never stop “innovating”—to the extent that nothing ever actually gets done. Sufficient time is not given to work out a plan, the team grows restless and thinks up a whole new idea (usually as a way to “escape” the “failure” of the old idea).

Or, some teams get stuck with “what works” so they fail to take time to think of new pathways for growth and change. They spend all their time maintaining what “has been” so they forget to consider the future (or they simply think of the future as a clone of the present—more of the same). After a while, the project begins to stagnate.

If parameters are set to establish time-frames and rhythms for each of these creative arcs (innovation and implementation) the team will thrive. When these rhythms are established those who prefer one side of the creative arc over the other side can be at ease.  For example, when a project is in the “implementation phase”, innovators can be patient and wait for the right time to think of fresh approaches. On the other hand, when a project is in a phase where they are brainstorming new ideas, those who are “maintainers” can rest at ease knowing the team will devise effective means of seeing the idea through to fulfillment. Such patterns help establish deeper bonds of trust in one another.

This relationship between innovation and implementation stays on the “high ground” when concrete structures are created to govern the cycle. Most teams don’t put forethought into the rhythm and realize too late that one or the other is lacking. The creating of the structural space for each side of the creative cycle represents this kind of “as-you-go” teaming that marks healthy teams. It is something that never stops. It creates a context for invigorating challenge as well as stabilizing praxis.

But there are other “as-you-go” kinds of practices needed. Believe it or not, in my team building work, I even walk teams through exercises designed to help them relate to one another when they are in their weekly meetings. Small things like being good listeners, minimizing the distractions of technology in meetings and agreeing to be punctual to meetings come into play in nurturing an environment where people feel safe and secure.

Teamwork requires common vision, an understanding of one another, and a commitment to working together in healthy ways day-in, day-out. When all those ingredients come together, it’s exciting to see what a diverse group of people can accomplish. The result is greater than the sum of its parts.

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PlayFull offers interactive, fun team building experiences! Write Troy Cady to discover how PlayFull can help your team thrive. 

If Garrison Keillor Had Been Given The 10 Commandments

A friend of mine posted this the other day and I just had to share it here. (I'm from Minnesota, don't ya know!) Here's how the Ten Commandments would have been written if they had been given to famed Minnesota storyteller Garrison Keillor. Enjoy, friends, and keep playing!

If you liked this, give PlayFull a like on Facebook or Follow us on Twitter. Or go take a trip way up nort' and learn to relax why don't ya.

Original Video! I Really Saw This Today! Must Watch.

Okay, so this is too funny. Earlier today I was on my way to pick up my daughter from school. I was listening to Nina Simone in the car and I pulled up behind a garbage truck.

The dude on the back of the truck was dancing, dancing, dancing. Having a good ol' time.

It's as if he could hear ol' Nina in his head, people. Hilarious.

Now here's a guy who knows how to PlayFull. Hope this gives you a chuckle and inspires you to keep dancing no matter what your circumstances are. :)

Every Hump Day we post something humorous on playfull.org because PlayFull is dedicated to helping people and organizations play from the inside-out. Like us on Facebook and/or Follow us on Twitter.

Grandmother

Origins slip

as memory sleeps

deep as covered words.

The silence of untold

traditions folded up

in letters with bleeding ink.

The pink

rose borders adorn

yet prick like thorns

for flowers unsmelled

and fears unfelled.

I have ignored

her life’s reports

of sewing and mowing;

she told of

reunions by the lake,

and related

news of

views of

the mountains

and hovering hummingbirds

or cousins taken ill, please pray for pity’s sake.

She gave

me recipes of potato salad

and rhubarb sauce,

both slightly sweetened,

like ages-old hymns

at summer church socials.

Her husband pulled the whole engine out

and replaced it with a new stout block

while she split hard wood as flocks

of wild geese made wing to warmer climes.

Those were steel times

known to me now by

the delicate paper I hold

with the torn fold.

Today, her home is sun

and water;

her letter wings

to me still with practiced hands

that appear as weeping windows,

ancient glass, melted sand.

I recollect my life through hers

but the memory of her loss still hurts

like soft blooms nipped off young stems.

grandmother

by troy cady

Think This Way

My friend Lee Shelton draws little cartoons on a site called White Noise. Some months ago he included the following image with the post title: "Most people find this hard to do."

Here's to out-of-the-box thinking! Keep playing, friends.

We post interesting stuff multiple times each week. Like us on Facebook or Follow us on Twitter to stay tuned.

What To Do Onboard a Ship of Fools

Since the Spirit dwells inside you, it can sometimes be difficult sorting out what seems to be the Spirit's leading and what may be your own ideas, so don't be too troubled if you get it wrong from time to time.

When that happens, ask God to show you whether you should cry or just laugh at yourself. Sometimes the latter may be just the right thing because we needn't take ourselves too seriously. Nobody is that together, though they may look like it. Actors do not leave their makeup on when the cameras turn off. Were we to face the truth about ourselves, we'd all have to admit we're just a bunch of idiots that still have a heckuva lot to learn.

When we realize this about ourselves, then and only then can we say to others, “Would you like to be a part of this ship of fools?” Oddly, that kind of invitation feels like freedom. There is no threat to getting on-board with a bunch of sailors that could use some help charting a course. "Just be one of us: imperfect." Such company may better be called genuine friendship, even solidarity. Sounds great by me.

Join a group of idiots: like PlayFull on Facebook or Follow us on Twitter. Thank you for reading!